You wake up easily, it is early, you feel good because you wake up with time to enjoy you morning before work. Then, your beautiful toe makes a turn and jump on with all its strength on a wood or metal object. You are practicing mindfulness; you know that can’t disturb your energy if you don’t want to. But you want to feel mad just for a minute, you are human, you are allowed to it.
I don’t know you, but I decided that I would take what would come. “I will feel a bit angry with the situation because I want to”. I wasn’t asking “God Why?” or cursing something. I knew it was just a feeling. So, I went to cook my lunch, “No salt baby” laugh the universe. I did anyway, when I put in my backpack, “Ops, not in here” and half of my food was on the floor. But this is not a text of hate.
When I was going to my job I decided: Ok, I am done with the negative vibe. So, I started meditating, I was feeling bad… not so bad… ok, good, back to my joyful normal. I felt the love that you can find in the real present moment. I am still in this energy. It feels very good by the way.
Out of the situation and looking back to it as an observer I notice and learn a few things.
First, maybe most importantly. When you are in a continuum attention on what you think you can stop and decided in a freckle of second how to feel about it and potentially impact the next moment. I took this decision on a small thing, this provoke me to understand that in a big scenario it could not change a moment next, but my life. Imagine if I suffer a big accident, the emotion I put on as reflexion of how I decided to act on it could change my life for better and for worse, (in a bilateral human condition of good and bad). We have a lot of example of it in a point that I am writing here make me think how this text is relevant. But feel and pass through a small example make me understand in a deeper way. (Not that this was my first suicide toe, but maybe the first one I am more conscious).
Secondly, I noticed that my ego was as a beast crazy to take the control of the situation. It was an animal without being feed for a long time trying to take a bite of the moment. I try my best to feel free to feel this energy and don’t give it the control. It was a weird sensation. It was like have something with equipment where the energy couldn’t be stabilized, had strong ups and downs. When I gave a bit to ego, in a second I was questioning myself and affirming that I was sad, “Why am I sad?” “Why this is happening” … But I observe it. After the meditation I was 100% in control and I could understand the power of unconsciousness and ego. If you are learning and beginning be attentive to your thoughts, relax. This is a grow moment, a moment of experience, a moment of science where I put myself in test to understand and observe more of myself. You probably will go through it differently. Relax.
And I observe that this energy impact my lovely husband. He felt agitated and forgot if he closed the doors and taps before leave in the morning. I talk about the practices with him, he tries but he still in his step of “I can’t do it”. I’m practicing since I am 14 years old, I am very aware of this be a process that each person will pass in a different way and time. I could see how my energy impact him. In other words, be aware of your thoughts, feelings, then energy is important for everything around you, not just you.
Maybe you can think about and write down a day or moment where you feel good and some unexpected good thing happened. And a “suicide toe” day, that bad thing happened. It will help you be more rational and analytical about you on life. As a 2% (or less) material life and 98% of energy life.
This text can be completed with a text I wrote a few days ago about living with easiness without be a control freak of your thoughts. Even if you try to imagine a life where you need to know everything you’re thinking is tiring. Practicing what the real secret is you can make easier to live the best life as I explained here
Learning to restart you day is the first thing I think you should learn in this consciousness/mindfulness process. I learned most of this with the Russian Vasin Zeland in his book Reality Transurfing. You can find it as a audiobook too. I recommend you take some notes of this and observe the theory, don’t discard or accept as the only truth. (As everything in life). In this book you will learn this jumping out a bad energy, moment, or pendulum (as he calls). And conscious you can drive you through your thoughts and energy to the point you want in life.
I can talk a bit more in other moment, but I recommend this book or search to ways of get out a bad energy.
I hope this helps you.